A man calls home to his wife and says, " Honey I've been asked to go fishing for a week at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We're leaving from the office and I'll swing by the house to pick up my things. Oh, please pack my new blue silk pajamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife she does exactly what her husband asked.

The following weekend he returns home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?

He says, "Yes, lots of Walleye, some Bluegill, and a few Pike. But, why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"

The wife replies, "They were in your tackle box."

Read all the way to the end or else you'll miss the true meaning of life.

Rocks- the meaning of life.

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2" in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The students laughed. The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. "Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognise that this is your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff." "If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal." "Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

But then...

A student then took the jar which the other students and the professor agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a glass of beer. Of course the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full.

The moral of this tale is that no matter how full your life is, there is always room for BEER.

Thought you might like this story.

An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi.

The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion.. "Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm."

They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It doesn't help and she is still unsatisfied.

Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi. "Okay," says the rabbi to the husband, "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them,"

Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking, screaming orgasm. The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly... "You see, schmuck, THAT'S the way to wave a towel!"

There was once a man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define great’ he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages...

My Get-Up And Go Has Got-Up And Went!

How do I know that my youth is all spent?
My get-up and go has got-up and went
But in spite of it all I am able to grin
When I think of where my get-up has been!

Old age is golden, so I have heard said
Yet I sometimes wonder when I get out of bed
With my ears in a drawer, my teeth in a cup
My eyes on the table, until I wake up.
As sleep dims my eyes, I say to myself
Is there anything else I should have laid on the shelf?

But I am happy to say as I close my door
My friends are the same, perhaps even more
When I was young my slippers were red
I would kick my heels, right over my head.

As I grew older my slippers were blue
Still I could dance the whole evening through.
Now I am older, my slippers are black,
I walk to the store, and puff my way back!

The reason I know my youth is all spent,
My get-up and go has got-up and went
But I really don't mind when I think with a grin
Of all the grand places my get-up has been.

Since I have retired from life's competition
I busy myself with life's repetition.
I get up each morning and dust off my wits
Pick up the paper and read the Obits
If my name is missing, I know I'm not dead
So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed!