A good Irishman, John O'Reilly, met regularly with his toastmasters club. One evening they were hitting the Guinness Stout and having a contest as to who could make the best toast.

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize for the toast of the night.

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh me that is very nice indeed, John," Mary said.

The next day Mary ran into one of John's toasting buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night with a toast about you Mary."

She said, "Aye, and I was a bit surprised meself! You know, he's only been there twice! Once he fell asleep and the other time, I had to pull him by the ears to make him come!"

After a long night of intimacy, a young guy rolled over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man. The guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?"

"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.

"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.

"Well, who is he then?" asked the bewildered guy.

The girl replied, "That's me before the surgery."