Let's put tax cuts in terms everyone can understand. Suppose that every day, ten men go out for dinner. The bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes it would go something like this:

• The first four men (the poorest) pay nothing.
• The fifth would pay $1.
• The sixth would pay $3.
• The seventh $7.
• The eighth $12.
• The ninth $18.
• The tenth man-the richest-would pay $59.

The ten men ate dinner together every day and seemed quite happy until one day the owner threw them a curve.

"Since you all are such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your meal by $20."

Dinner now costs $80. The group wanted to pay their bill the way we pay taxes.

So the first four men were unaffected. They ate for free, but what about the other six paying customers?

How could they divvy up the $20 windfall so everyone got his "fair share?"

The six men realized $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share then the fifth and sixth men would end up paid to eat their meal.

So the restaurant owner suggested that they should reduce each man's bill by roughly the same percentage.

• The first five men (the poorest) pay nothing.
• The sixth would pay $2.
• The seventh $5.
• The eighth $9.
• The ninth $12.
• The tenth man-the richest-would pay $52.

Each of the six was better off than before, but once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.

"I only got a dollar out of the $20, but he got $7!" said the sixth man pointing at the tenth.

"Yeah that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar too. It's unfair he got seven times more than me!"

"Why should he get $7 back when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!"

"Wait a minute!" yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at all! The system really exploits the poor!"

The nine men surrounded the tenth man and beat him up.

The next night, he didn't show up for dinner so the nine ate without him. But when the bill came they discovered something important. They were $52 short!

And that my friends is how our tax system works.

The people who pay the highest taxes get the biggest benefit from a tax reduction.

Tax them too much, penalize them unfairly for being wealthy, and they just may not show up at the dinner table anymore.

Unfortunately, liberals cannot grasp this straight-forward logic!

-author unknown

Somebody said a mother is an unskilled laborer...
Somebody never gave a squirmy infant a bath.

Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby...
Somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, "normal" is history.

Somebody said being a mother is boring...
Somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit.

Somebody said if you're a "good" mother, your child will "turn out"...
Somebody thinks a child is like a bag of plaster of Paris that comes with directions, a mold and a guarantee.

Somebody said "good" mothers never raise their voices...
Somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child wind up and hit a golf ball through the neighbor's kitchen window.

Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother...
Somebody never helped a fourth grader with his math.

Somebody said you can't love the fifth child as much as you love the first...
Somebody doesn't have five children.

Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books...
Somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose (or a screw)!!!!

Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery...
Somebody never watched her "baby" get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten.

Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married...
Somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings.

Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home...
Somebody never had grandchildren.

Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her...
Somebody isn't a mother.

Pass this along to all the "mothers" in your life!!!

The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs by his side.

She said, "What are your golf clubs doing here?"

He looked her right in the eye--and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"

An 80 yr. old man who was an avid golfer moved to a new town and joined the local Country Club. He went to the Club for the first time to play, but was told there wasn't anybody he could play because they were already out on the course. He repeated several times that he really wanted to play.

Finally, the Assistant Pro said he would play with him and asked how many strokes he wanted for a bet. The 80 year old said "I really don't need any strokes as I have been playing quite well. The only real problem I have is getting out of sand traps."

And he did play well. Coming to the par four 18th they were all even.

The pro had a nice drive and was able to get on the green and 2-putt for a par.

The old man had a nice drive, but his approach shot landed in a sand trap next to the green. Playing from the bunker he hit a high ball which landed on the green and rolled into the hole! Birdie, match and all the money!

The Pro walked over to the sand trap where his opponent was still standing in the trap. He said "Nice shot, but I thought you said you have a problem getting out of sand traps?".

"I do," replied the old man. "Please give me a hand."

A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. The obit editor informs her that there is a charge of $.50 cents per word.

She pauses, reflects, and then says well, then, let it read "Bob Smith died."

Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor tells her that there is a seven word minimum for all obituaries.

She thinks it over and in a few seconds says, in that case, let it read: "Bob Smith died. Golf clubs for sale."

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in.

The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, found it somewhat below normal, and asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed. "Breast fed," she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did. He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, he said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk." "I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came

How do you get holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.

What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?
Dam.

What do Eskimos get from sitting on hte ice too long?
Polaroids.

What do you call a boomarang that doesn't work?
A stick.

What do you call chees that's not yours?
Nacho Cheese.

What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
Quatro Sinko.

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.

Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

What kind of coffee was served on hte Titanic?
Sanka.

What's the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The location of the dirt bag.

Why does a pilgram's pants always fall down?
Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver?
A bad golfer goes whack, damn. A bad skydiver goes damn, whack.

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way, unique up on it.

What do you call sky diving lawyers?
Skeet.

What goes CLOP, CLOP, CLOP, BANG, BANG, CLOP, CLOP, CLOP?
An Amish Drive-By Shooting.

How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same?
Either way, somebody's gonna lose a trailer