WMD

Unit History

The division was created after the Al Qaeda terrorist attacks on the nation September 11, 2001. President Bush, realizing the power of the dangerous Weapons of Mass Destruction our nations faced created our own WMD. Women of Menstrual Disposition.

Unit Capability

Able to deploy by airborne insertion to any country in the world within 22 days. Often 23 days because the airplane has to constantly stop so the division can use the latrine and ask for directions.

Unit Lineage

The division can trace its lineage to the 1st of the 123rd Dishwashing division that was constituted from the Woman's Army Corp. The colors of the 123rd were cased after the 3rd of the 219th Vacuuming regiment took their place in the kitchen where they belonged.

Unit Crest

The three clouds represent Tampax, Kotex and Playtex. The three lightning bolts represent the three weapons of the division: cramps, bloating and irritability. The droplets of rain represent the maximum number of days that the division can maintain menstruation. The text Red Rain refers to the divisions airborne status.

Girl Poem

A poem for us...

I shave my legs, I sit down to pee.
And I can justify any shopping spree.
Don't go to a barber, but a beauty salon.
I can get a massage without a hard-on.

I can balance the checkbook, I can pump my own gas.
Can talk to my friends, about the size of my ass.
My beauty's a masterpiece, and yes, it takes long.
At least I can admit, to others when I'm wrong.

I don't drive in circles, at any cost.
And I don't have a problem, admitting I'm lost.
I never forget, an important date.
You just gotta deal with it, I'm usually late.

I don't watch movies, with lots of gore.
Don't need instant replay, to remember the score.
I won't lose my hair, I don't get jock itch.
And just cause I'm assertive, Don't call me a bitch.

Don't say to your friends, Oh yeah, I can get her.
In your dreams, my dear, I can do better!
Flowers are okay, But jewelry's best.
Look at me you idiot... Not at my chest????

I don't have a problem, With Expressing my feelings.
I know when you're lying, You look at the ceiling.
DON'T call me a GIRL, a BABE or a CHICK .
I am a WOMAN. Get it? you DICK!?!

Now, you must forward this to at least 4 FEMALES or you will have a HORRIBLE streak of bad love life.

Not that I believe the above, I just think you should forward this to every woman so they can laugh too!!

1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?
2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?
3. There are two plastic jugs filled with water. How could you put all of this water into a barrel, without using the jugs or any dividers, and still tell which water came from which jug?
4. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?
5. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?
6. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out.

1. The third. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead.
2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry.
3. Freeze them first. Take them out of the jugs and put the ice in the barrel. You will be able to tell which water came from which jug.
4. The answer is Charcoal.
5. Sure you can: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow!
6. The letter "e", which is the most common letter in the English language, does not appear once in the long paragraph.

There was a middle aged guy who bought a brand new Mercedes convertible SLK.

He took off down the road, flooring it up to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head.

"This is great," he thought and floored it some more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and there was a highway patrol Trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

"I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he floored it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing" and pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the state trooper to catch up with him.

The trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up to the man. "Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday the 13th. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The man looked back at the trooper and said, "Last week my wife ran off with a state trooper and I thought you were bringing her back.

"The state trooper replied, "Have a nice day".

An American is having breakfast in Paris one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing gum, sits down next to him.

The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

French man: "You American folk eat the whole bread??"

American (in a bad mood): "Of course."

French: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the states."

The Frenchman has a smirk on his face. The American listens in silence.

The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"

American: "Of Course."

Frenchman: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to the states."

The American then asks: "Do you have sex in France?"

Frenchman: "Why of course we do", he says with a big smirk.

American: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course."

American: "We don't. In America, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to the French".

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

1. Blaming your farts on me... not funny... not funny...
2. Yelling at me for barking... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!
3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly who's walk is this anyway?
4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it...
5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
6. The slight of hand, fake-fetch-throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain, you nitwit.
7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back.
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.
10. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur? Imbecile.