Once upon a time there were three little pigs; the straw pig, the stick pig, and the brick pig. One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pigs house and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down."

And he did!!!!

So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said "Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house." So the stick pig let the straw pig in.

Just then the wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did!!!

So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the brick pig's house and said, "Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down." So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up.

The wolf said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." The straw pig and the stick were so scared! But the brick pig picked up the phone and made a call.

A few minutes passed and a big, black stretch limo pulls up. Out stepped two massive pigs in pinstriped suits and fedora hats.

These pigs come over to the wolf, grab him by the neck and beat the living shit out of him, then one of them pulled out a gun, stuck it in his mouth and fired killing the wolf, then they got back into their limo and drove off.

The straw pig and stick pig were amazed!!! "Who the hell were those guys?" they asked.

"Those were my cousins from Brooklyn.... The Guinea Pigs."

You need at least 4 correct answers to be considered literate!!

1. How long did the Hundred Years War last?
2. Which country makes Panama hats?
3. From which animal do we get catgut?
4. In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5. What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6. The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7. What was King George VI's first name?
8. What color is a purple finch?
9. Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10. What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

All done? Check your answers below!

ANSWERS TO QUIZ

1. How long did the Hundred Years War last? — 116 years
2. Which country makes Panama hats? — Ecuador
3. From which animal do we get cat gut? — Sheep and Horses
4. In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? — November
5. What is a camel's hair brush made of? — Squirrel fur
6. The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? — Dogs
7. What was King George VI's first name? — Albert
8. What color is a purple finch? — Crimson
9. Where are Chinese gooseberries from? — New Zealand
10. What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? — Orange, of course.

What do you mean you failed? Don't worry. Others have failed this test, too. It may be lonely at the top, but there's plenty of company at the bottom. Pass this on to some brilliant friends.

California's New Language - Austrionics

We will shortly have a new language in Kaleeefornia. Please keep this email for reference if you get confused in a few years.

The New California Governor has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the state, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, The Terminator's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Austro-English" (or, perhaps even better, Austrionics .).

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be

dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

If zis mad yu smil, pleas pas it on to oza pepl.