Jokes for the Week Ending
December 19, 2003
Effects of Alcohol
New Alcohol Warnings
Links
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Some Thoughts on Drinking
Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk:
- Indubitably
- Preliminary
- Proliferation
Things that are very difficult to say when you're drunk:
- Specificity
- Antidisestablishmentarianism
- Loquacious
- Transubstantiate
Things that are downright inmpossible to say when you're drunk:
- Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
- Nope, no more booze for me
- Sorry, but you're not really my type
- Oh, no, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:
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Warning: The consumption of alcohol
may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties. |
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Warning: The consumption of alcohol
may make you think you are whispering when you are not. |
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Warning: The consumption of alcohol
may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. |
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Warning: The consumption of alcohol
may cause you to think you can sing. |
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Warning: The consumption of alcohol
may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. |
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Warning: The consumption of alcohol
may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting. |
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Warning: The consumption of alcohol
is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back. |
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Warning: The consumption of alcohol
may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. |
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Warning: The consumption of alcohol
may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. |
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Warning: The consumption of alcohol
may cause pregnancy. |
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Warning: The crumsumpten of alcahol
may mack you tink you can tipe reel guud. |